


Bridges – Aisha Badru

by JupiterOrchid



Series: Crash Landing; Song-fic fix-it [5]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Mentions - Maria/Michael, Moving, Reconciliation, Romance, Season 2 Never Happened, post-season 01 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23250544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JupiterOrchid/pseuds/JupiterOrchid
Summary: “You didn’t choose me,” Alex shoots back suddenly, anger rising to the surface.“No,” Michael agrees, face turning solemn, “but that’s only because I didn’t choose at all.”“Bullshit,” Alex counters, venom in his words, and Michael knows he has it coming so he holds his ground.This is part 5/6 in my fix-it song-fic series where I can't leave that finale well enough alone and have to make sense of what the fuck Michael is doing. This ain't your grandma's songfic but it still counts..?
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Crash Landing; Song-fic fix-it [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665295
Comments: 3
Kudos: 58





	Bridges – Aisha Badru

Alex recovers first and all the openness in his eyes falls away as a mask slips over his face with an almost audible click.

“What are you doing here?” he says instead of a greeting and Michael, who stands at the bottom of the porch steps, has to stop himself from reaching for him.

“Don’t go,” Michael says, tone filled with reverence, as if it’s a prayer.

“What?” Alex shuts the door behind him and stands straight, right at the edge of the first step, looking down at Michael.

“Maria told me,” Michael says by way of explanation, “don’t go, Alex.”

“I can’t,” Alex says, like it’s obvious, like Michael is asking him to do the impossible, the ridiculous. And, of course, maybe Michael is.

“You can, Alex,” Michael’s tone is _just_ short of begging, he climbs up the first two steps, standing almost next to Alex but still not reaching. “You’re a war hero, they’ll let you stay.”

“What about Maria?” Alex asks like he’s holding his breath.

“Alex,” he says softly, he has to make him understand. “I don’t know what I was thinking. Maria and I… it was never going to work. I care about her, I maybe even love her but not like this, not really, not the way I love you.”

Alex looks at him sceptical and suspicious.

“Look, I was afraid, and I was hurt, and I thought it would be easier to step back, but it wasn’t, it wasn’t easier. It was harder. Realizing that we had this shot and I was too afraid to take it… it was so much harder, Alex. I’m sorry, I’m sorry it took me so long, but I’m not… I can’t… I’m not giving up on this.”

“So, you want me to stay for a _possibility_ of something working out right?” Alex almost sneers, taking a step back. He turns around to lock the door, letting the duffle bag drop on the porch for a moment.

“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy,” Michael says, “all I know is that we came from these two different worlds. I _literally_ fell from the stars, and all this time, Alex, all this time, all my life, it has been leading me right to you.”

“Yes,” Alex nods, still turned away, his hand still on the door handle, even though the door has already been locked, “and you got hurt for it.”

“I did,” Michael agrees, “and so did you. But you know what, maybe that’s just life. Everyone gets hurt. You and I, we’re not special.”

Alex squeezes his eyes shut at the lightness of Michael’s tone, but Michael isn’t done.

“I let you leave once, _I_ ran away from _this_ once already and you know what? It sucked. My life has been nothing but a series of falls and stumbles. You were the best thing that happened to it, to me, and I’m not letting you go again. If I’m going to keep stumbling, then I want to stumble right into your arms.”

“You’re talking nonsense,” Alex says in a dismissive tone, turning around, but Michael hears the waver in his voice, the fear.

“Maybe,” Michael says, “but it’s still true. I’m not running anymore, Alex, and I’m not letting you do it either.”

“I’m not running,” Alex says stubbornly, folding his arms in front of him, “I’m being posted. Holloman is only a couple hours away, I’ll come home for Christmas.”

“Stay,” Michael whispers, coming one step higher, one step closer.

“No, Michael,” Alex breaths out, looking away, and then adds, almost in a whisper: “I can’t stay in this place for another minute.”

He feels the words like a slap against his face, understanding what Alex means. He’s not talking about logistics or commitments and Michael is looking at him up close for the first time since _that day_ and it’s so obvious, the pain is so obvious. In his posture, in the darkness around his eyes, the way his clothes sit on his frame a little looser than before. Michael knows he can’t ask him to stay but he can’t let him leave, either.

He can’t stop the words: “Okay,” he nods, “then take me with you.”

Alex’s eyes snap back to him so fast, Michael worries about whiplash.

“Are you crazy?” he asks and the fear and anger mix in his eyes so clearly that Michael can’t understand how he failed to notice all of these emotions in Alex’s eyes before.

“No,” he says, finally reaching for Alex’s waist, bringing him closer. “No, I’m not crazy. Take me with you.”

Alex opens his mouth like he’s going to argue but he doesn’t pull away and Michael takes that as a sign to say: “Look, I’m not saying we don’t have some mending to do but I’m willing to stick through it. Please Alex.”

“What about Max and Isobel? What about your ship?” Alex still tries but his arguments sound flat and hollow.

Michael breaths a laugh through his nose, a laugh at Alex’s stubbornness, at the happiness overfilling Michael’s lungs just from being so close to Alex, just from being able to talk to him, again.

“Its like you said,” Michael says through a blinding smile, “Holloman is only a couple hours away. We’ll be home for Christmas.”

“You’re just going to uproot yourself?” Alex squints at him, “just like that?”

“Just like that,” Michael nods. “Alex, it’s not a big deal. I’ll find a job in Holloman, I’ll skype in with Max and Isobel, we’ll come visit. We’re not moving to Canada!”

“Stop,” Alex says, shaking his head and stepping out of the circle of Michael’s arms, “ _we_ are not moving at all! We can’t… we can’t just… move in together. After everything that happened!”

“Nothing happened, Alex,” Michael says, angrily, his hands shooting up to the railings on both his sides. “That’s the fucking problem. It’s been so long, so long and you come back, and we still circle each other like two love-sick fools not letting anything happen! Well it’s about damn time something did happen. This is it, don’t you see.”

“You didn’t choose me,” Alex shoots back suddenly, anger rising to the surface.

“No,” Michael agrees, face turning solemn, “but that’s only because I didn’t choose at all.”

“Bullshit,” Alex counters, venom in his words, and Michael knows he has it coming so he holds his ground.

“Sounds like it, doesn’t it?” Michael allows and then goes on: “but it’s true. I thought I did but I didn’t. I went to Maria because I knew, deep down I knew, I think her and I both knew it wasn’t permanent. I was running away. I wasn’t choosing her, Alex, I was choosing not to choose.”

“That’s cruel,” Alex says quietly and Michael’s heart aches. He’s the closest to Alex he’s been in months and yet, the distance between them still feels like too much. Alex looks him in the eyes: “That’s great that you chose not to choose but it still felt like a choice from where I was standing.”

“I know,” Michael says. He won’t deny it, won’t invalidate Alex’s feelings: “I know. If you let me, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

Alex frowns, as if he still isn’t willing to believe him. Michael knows he earned that look, as well. Alex’s eyes narrow: “And what about Maria? Does she know you’re here? I’m not going to… I can’t…”

Michael doesn’t plan on letting him finish the sentence: “Who do you think told me to come after you?”

Alex’s eyes open wider.

“I swear to you,” Michael says, almost a whisper, hands clenched on Alex’s arms, “I swear, Maria and I, we’re on the same page about this.”

“What about,” Alex won’t look him in the eyes, “what about Caulfield?”

“What about it?” Michael says back, pain tinting his gaze.

“If it weren’t for me… my dad…” Alex can’t say more. This whole situation is turning his world upside down again, just when he started feeling steady, again and it feels _so_ unfair.

“Your dad is as good as dead,” Michael spits out with venom, but his tone softens quickly: “if it weren’t for you, I would never have met my mother. I wouldn’t have known that she didn’t abandon me, that she was taken from me against her will, that she loved me. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize what a gift you’ve given me.”

“But–” Alex wants to argue but Michael interrupts him again: “you did nothing wrong, Alex. It was wrong of me to displace my fear and my anger, to direct it towards you because it was easier than dealing with it. You did _nothing_ wrong. You were the one human that showed me that not all humans are out to hurt me, that some are good and kind and full of love.”

Alex can’t meet his eyes, again. Michael is suddenly overwhelmed with how angry he is at himself, for doubting them, for pushing Alex away, for making Alex feel guilt over something he didn’t do and had no control over. He takes Alex’s face in his hands, forcing Alex to look at him.

“Listen to me, Alex,” he says quietly, faces mere inches apart, “I know this won’t be easy. Life isn’t easy. And some days will feel like we’re climbing mountains, some days will feel like we’re driving down a road _just looking_ for an exit, but you know what? That’s just life and I’m willing to stick by this, by you. I can’t keep making the same mistake over and over again. _We_ can’t keep making the same mistake over and over again. We have to try.”

Alex closes his eyes as if it hurts to look at Michael, and maybe it does. But he takes a couple breaths, and when he opens his eyes again, he says the last thing Michael expects from him: “I have terms.”

Michael’s feels his insides expand with lightness, so much so that he feels like he might be floating.

“Okay,” Michael breaths out, feeling his lips tug in a smile, “okay,” he repeats and then snakes one of his hands to the back of Alex’s neck, pulling Alex towards him. Their lips meet in a slow, sweet kiss. A little hesitant, a little indulgent, Michael doesn’t want this kiss to be something hurried. Instead, he takes it slow, taking advantage of the fact that Alex isn’t expecting it.

When they separate, Michael rests his forehead against Alex’s.

“Come here,” he says quietly, “come sit for a moment.”

Michael sits down on the steps of the porch, pulling Alex down with him, making him lean against his chest.

“I know you’re late,” Michael starts while Alex still seems to be catching his breath, “I know you’re in a hurry, just tell me your terms.”

“We’re not moving in together,” Alex lets Michael sit him down on the porch but he’s turning around to face him instead. He’s keeping his hands on Michael’s forearms, makes sure Michael stays at a distance where he’s most likely to comprehend what Alex is saying.

“I didn’t make arrangements. I was just going to live on base, they had housing available,” Alex goes on, “and it’s too soon anyway. I can’t stop you from moving to Holloman but I’m not moving in with you. I’m okay with trying but I need us to take this slow.”

“Glacial,” Michael nods, smiling so widely as if Alex agreed to marry him.

“I’m serious,” Alex tells him.

“I know,” Michael nods and his smile dims a little, replaced with a look of sincerity.

“You go ahead today,” Michael says hurriedly, “get settled. I’ll look for a place in Holloman, a job, we’ll take it slow. We don’t have to go all in right now. I just want a chance to put things right, to have a shot at this. How does that sound?”

Alex is looking up at him with a look in his eyes that, for the first time since the day Michael’s hand was healed, shines bright with something other than pain.

“Like your craziest idea, yet,” Alex huffs a laugh through his nose.

“Good,” Michael nods, “that means it has a fifty percent success rate.”

“I don’t like those odds,” Alex confines in him making Michael smile.

They say goodbye for a long time until Alex is completely late. Then Alex gets into his car and drives away. Michael watches the road for a long time after Alex’s car disappears on the horizon. Smiling, he takes out his phone and dials Isobel.

“I need your help,” he says into the speaker, turning towards the cabin. The cabin’s key is a warm weight in his once-broken hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I know the summaries of these say there are 6 parts but actually when I was writing the series, this was where it ended. When I started it, I only chose five songs and it felt good to leave it on this note where things are only sort of resolved and Alex and Michael are on the brink of something new. Not a the happiest of endings but not a sad one, either, kinda like life is. 
> 
> But... I'm a sucker for happy endings and so, eventually, part 6 was born, songless. So feel free to stop reading right here!


End file.
